my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
