He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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