Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so let's talk penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
