one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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