tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
