Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
