She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
