I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
