You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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