I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
