Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
