thus making me awesome and them whores
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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