Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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