I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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