so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize