Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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