butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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