How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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