I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
