You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
