my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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