i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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