Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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