she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
