Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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