garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
