i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
