fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
