But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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