I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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