i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
