the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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