dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
