maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
