Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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