According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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