So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
