Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
