I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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