you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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