if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
