Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
