he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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