i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
