u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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