UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
