I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think my vagina is haunted
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
