OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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