I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
