Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
