between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
