Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
