2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
