We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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