can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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