I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize