We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
