i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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