That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
