I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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