He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
