If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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