She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
