and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
