you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your cock deserves a montage
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All the doctor said was why
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
