Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
