It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
