Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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