drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
