Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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