I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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