You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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