Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
