I wannas sexs uuuuu
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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