If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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