That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
